Draw the Line; Practicing Self-Care through Boundaries

Draw the Line; Practicing Self-Care through Boundaries

3/02/2020

Getting healthy is such a simple thing at its core yet complex in action.

The core is truly loving yourself but the complexities of getting there can be daunting…

Every young person should learn how to love themselves before trying to love another, before trying to conquer this world and before trying to help others.

Boundaries are a huge part of loving yourself. Boundaries are how you show yourself respect.

We should have boundaries for ourselves and boundaries for others. Often they overlap in areas. For example, a boundary I have for myself is zero negative self-talk. If I'm not going to let myself talk negatively to me why would I allow others to do it? So they overlap, Nobody talks negatively.

I was horrible at boundaries because I didn't have any idea what they were or how to use them. I hurt a lot of people because I crossed their boundaries and I got hurt a lot because people constantly crossed mine. Without knowing the complexity of why we need boundaries it can be hard to create and honor them.

There is a good chance many don't have a full understanding of what boundaries are and when we don't understand something we usually don't implement them.

At their core, boundaries are not meant to keep people out but to let people in, in a healthy way. Healthy people have no problem honoring your boundaries because they have boundaries of their own they expect to be honored as well.

Healthy relationships are about equal give and take from both parties. Yes sometimes things are heavier on one side but it levels out and undoubtedly gets heavy on the other side, such is life! When you are both nurturing the relationship it has no option but to grow. Things go sideways when one party is giving more on a consistent level, that's painful and exhausting...

Once you create your boundaries and your "Do Not Cross" lines are drawn all you have to do is hold them.

I know, easier said than done but you have control. Are you going to lose people along the way?

You sure are and you should be grateful because only the unhealthy people will fall away. Likely the healthy people will gravitate to you and get to see a whole new version, a version they feel safer with. A version they genuinely like being around.

Growing and healing aren't for the weak, they don't save your feelings from the hardness of shedding your old trauma-self and everything linked to it.

Start small with boundaries if you are new so you don't feel overwhelmed and cause more anxiety. Start with your personal boundaries then grow.

Visualize how you want others to treat you then flip out. So I wouldn't want others to lie to me but if I take a good look at myself I have to admit I lie to myself often. I'll eat right tomorrow or I'll start that program tomorrow.

I know I was horrible about my self-talk also so my first boundary was no name-calling or negative self-talk. You wouldn't believe the things I called myself. I'd never call someone I loved those names but I did it to myself daily. Once I was strong and confident shutting myself down and saying enough, I moved on to boundaries with others.

When you are doing the work to treat yourself better you will be less inclined to allow others to mistreat you.

Sorry but if I'm not allowing myself to do these things to me I'm sure not going to let anyone else do them to me!

It doesn't have to be daunting if you start small and go slow. Forget about standing up to others until you can stand up to yourself.

Everything starts with us! We can't control others but we can control ourselves. You are your biggest bully, your biggest critic, and your worst enemy. When you can stand up to You, everyone else will be easy!